Saturday, November 22

Armed men hijack bus, separate non-Muslims and shoot 28 dead. WH says "Probably Lutherans"


NAIROBI, Kenya — Suspected Islamic extremists from Somalia hijacked a bus in Kenya’s north and killed 28 non-Muslims on board after they had been singled out from the rest of the passengers, police officials said Saturday.

The bus traveling to the capital Nairobi with 60 passengers was hijacked at dawn Saturday about 50 kilometers (31 miles) from the town Mandera near Kenya’s border with Somalia, said two police officers.

About 20 gunmen ordered all the passengers out of the bus and separated those who appeared to be non-Muslims from the rest before shooting them at close range, officers said.
Message from Barack Obama:

1.  This regrettable act was not carried out by Muslims.  The fact that the attackers separated Muslims from non-Muslims is merely a coincidence.  My national security advisor, Susan Rice, informs me that the misunderstood attackers were actually Guatamalans who were trying to get to the U.S. in time to get green cards under my new executive order.  They were simply trying to get seats on the bus but because of a poor translation all the Christians on the bus incorrectly thought they were being ordered off the bus.  Then a dangerous automatic weapon somehow fired and struck 28 of the unfortunate passengers.

2.  Christians have nothing to fear from Muslims.  Because

3.  Americans have nothing to fear from Guatamalans, since they are Americans just like I am and would never harm a fellow American.

4.  This unfortunate incident shows yet again how dangerous guns are.  Accordingly, I am issuing an executive order banning the private ownership of guns by U.S. citizens.

5.  There is no point in calling or writing your congressional representatives because they can do nothing after the landslide win by my party in the recent election.  Rumors that Republicans won control of the senate and additional seats in the House must be false because if they were true the Republicans would have moved to impeach me after my last executive order.  Since they did no such thing you may be sure the rumors are false.

6.  When the president does something, that makes it legal.  This is a principle relied on by numerous presidents of both parties, going back to FDR and later made explicit by Richard Nixon.  So shut the fuck up or you'll be sorry.

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