Religion of Peace bombs mosque during prayers, killing 120 and injuring...wait, it was someone else
Which had zero effect but allowed the Mainstream Media to swoon over how faaabulous their wunnerful, dreamy president was at out-thinking his opponents and sooo much better at diplomacy and negotiating than stupid Republicans like Boosh.
Clearly the Emir should have paid attention to Obama's real message, and said nothing against Islamic terror. Because yesterday some unknown group attacked the mosque with bombs and machineguns, killing 120 and injuring 270.
As if that wasn't enough of an outrage, the attackers attacked the mosque while it was packed with the faithful attending Friday prayers.
Emperor Obama immediately held a press conference to assure Americans that the attack was NOT carried out by Muslims. After all, he's told us innumerable times that Islam is The Religion of Peace, and he's never wrong. Instead, the emperor explained that the attackers were most likely Israelis or perhaps Lutherans, trying to make it look like an attack by Boko Haram. In any case he assured his listeners that no Muslim group could have been responsible.
Reporters seemed confused as to how this might have worked but were quickly reassured by the emperor's new Secretary of Defense, Jonathan Gruber, who said "We have satellite imagery that shows unequivocally that none of you is smart enough to understand it, so you'll have to trust us."
BBC's Nigerian correspondent asked the Emir of Kano to comment but got no response, inasmuch as the Emir was among the 120 killed in the attack. By Lutherans.
Meanwhile the emperor's Department of Labor reported that U.S. unemployment reached 1.2 percent in November, attributing this to the emperor's announcement last week to stop deporting people who were dragged into the U.S. as children. And to extend the same common courtesy to their parents, to avoid the crime of ripping families apart. The next step is to extend the same courtesy to all relatives, for exactly the same reason. And with unemployment at all-time record lows this will raise wages for everyone--whether native or immigrant. Because no one outside the administration really knows how economics works anyway.