All ISIS really needs to stop beheading people is...good jobs!

The person below was spokesperson for your emperor's state department, one Marie Harf.

Ms. Harf achieved a certain amount of fame for claiming the insane, inhuman thugs of ISIS would stop beheading people if only they had...good jobs.

Of course half a dozen sane members of the emperor's entourage--a couple of combat-hardened generals, the national security advisor, head of the CIA and others immediately called this out for the utter, fatuous bullshit it was, prompting a quick apology from...

Hahahahahaha! Surely you didn't believe that! Because not one of the emperor's team said jack-shit about this absurdity.  Cuz, you know, every member of the emperor's entourage is keenly aware of what happens to cadre members who say anything that would put the emperor's policies in a bad light.

But don't worry, citizen:  The emperor is an expert on foreign policy.  So whatever happens, it was all foreseen by him and part of his brilliant plan.

Wow, I feel so much better now!